Skip to main content
Internet Archive's 25th Anniversary Logo

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  July 15, 2011 12:00am-1:05am PDT

12:00 am
bring you the very latest at breakfast. and. of course, we're always online at abcnews.com. have a great show, right back here tomorrow night. until then, good night, america. >> dicky: tonight on "jimmy kimmel l le." >> jimmy: aren't all americans marriages gay already? as a man, when you get married, you're saying i will never touch another woman as long as i live. now let's put jewelry on each other and dance. >> dicky: louis c.k. >> what is this? it's crazy. >> dicky: and music from steel magnolia. >> jimmy: was there a specific moment in the conversation when you realized bentley was in fact satan? >> dicky: "jimmy kim
12:01 am
12:02 am
>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with exciting news. "jimmy kimmel live," our show, now has it very own app. here now, with all the details, guillermo. who apparently is not here. hold on a second. ♪ guillermo? >> hello, jimmy? >> jimmy: yes, where are you? we're waiting for you to start the show. >> sorry, i'm too busy enjoying the "jimmy kimmel live" app to talk to you right now. good-bye. ay yi yi. jimmy worries too much. doesn't he realize that whether i am here or here or even here the show is always with me on my
12:03 am
ipad, iphone and ipod touch. thanks to jkl app. i can watch video from the show anywhere on the go and i can read jimmy's hilarious personal tweets. [ laughter ] boy, that jimmy is a great guy. i wonder what he's doing now. ♪ jimmy, i told you, i'm busy. good-bye! jimmy needs to get a life. what a loser. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" app. available exclusively at the apple app store. "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with louis c.k. from "rookie blue," missy peregrym. from "rookie blue," missy peregrym. and music from steel magnolia.
12:04 am
a! [ male announcer ] so we're serving up stacked, stuffed and topped entrees! like the amazing new chicken parmesan stack stuffed with italian cheeses and topped with spicy marinara for only $9.99. there's also provolone stuffed meatballs, new florentine topped house sirloin and more. stacked, stuffed and topped! i like things smooshed. we'll work on that. [ male a aouncer ] only at applebee's. open 'til midnight or later. a living, breathing intelligence that's helping people rethink how they live. in here, the planned combination of at&t and t-mobile would deliver our next generation mobile broadband experience to 55 million more americans, many in small towns and rural communities, giving them a new choice. ♪ we'll deliver better service, with thousands of new cell sites... for greater access to all the things you want, whenever you want them. it's a network of connections and ideas... open and collaborative...
12:05 am
extending far beyond the mobile phone. connecting you to a world of intelligent new devices and technologies. from today's best innovators... and tomorrow's. ♪ it's the at&t network... a network of possibilities... and what's possible in here is almost impossible to say. ♪ take toast... spread with i can't believe it's not butter... add jacques. he's french. oui! oui like! [ male announcer ] four out of five agree it tastes as good as fresh butter with 70% less saturated fat than butter. [ kim ] you can have it all.
12:06 am
>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- louis c.k. from "rookie blue," missy peregrym. and music from steel magnolia. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, if everybody's ready, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thanks, everybody. thank you. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for being so present. [ cheers and applause ] i know a lot of you are visiting here from out of town. what a great weekend it was. the weather, it was beautiful, right, here in l.a.?
12:07 am
[ applause ] friday night after work, i changed into a no fear tank top and dolphin shorts and i did not take them off till 8:00 this morning. that's how good -- [ applause ] it's great when the weather's nice. it's important not to forget the sun is a cancer-filled devil orb and it will not rest until it kills us. sometimes sunscreen isn't enough. some doctors are now saying children should be kept in the basement in front of a playstation 3 for the duration of the summer. so please be careful. you know, we're very lucky to have such good weather. there was major flooding in rockland county, new york, over the weekend. the worst flooding in over a decade. or the best flooding in over a decade. i don't know how you'd put it. there was flooding. interviewed some the locals k there about the flood. well, here's what at least one of them had to say. >> this was the scene in downtown nayak where rushing waters made roads look like rivers. >> i come out and look at the deck and the water is up to here.
12:08 am
in other worlds, halfway up the mailbox in our courtyard. >> jimmy: wait a minute. in other words it's halfway up the mailbox. [ applause ] doesn't know how to water -- i would like to get his thoughts on all the weather all over the -- maybe make him the next "bachelor." wouldn't that be great? tonight on "the bachelorette," the return of bentley. tonight, bachelorette ashley was in hong kong to narrow her harem down to six. they surprised her by bringing bentley out to visit. bentley is the guy, if you don't watch the show, who pretended to be interested in ashley but then said terrible things about her when she wasn't around. of course she fell madly in love with him. tonight, he flew all the way to hong kong to give her closure. which is the chinese word for crabs i think, right? they talked things out in his hotel room. after watching ashley tear her hair out over this guy for weeks, i'm glad she finally did something about it. >> i think you're here for a
12:09 am
purpose and i think that knowing that i'm home it's -- it doesn't look good. for me and you. >> so you came all the way here and you could have just talked to me on the phone? >> i wanted to see you. >> why? >> jimmy: i think that's -- [ cheers and applause ] what should have h hpened. we're going to speak to ashley about the bentley situation in a few minutes. i'm not exactly sure of why they took the show to hong kong. it's not your typical romantic destination. usually they go somewhere where there's a beach. even the show itself seemed different. >> that scoundrel bentley has betrayed your honor for the last time. something must be done. >> what do you propose? >> i shall vanquish him. he shall perish beneath the might of my fist. >> ooh, really? >> i swear it shall be so. indeed.
12:10 am
>> master ames. i choose you. >> of course you do. ♪ >> jimmy: it's better in the original but you get the idea. we'll chat with ashley in just a minute. on friday night in new york, governor cuomo there signed a bill into law that legalizes same sex marriage, which means gays can finally get married in new york state. [ applause ] if you think about it, aren't all marriages gay already? i mean, as a man, when you get married, you're saying i will never touch another woman as long as i live. now let's put jewelry on each other and dance. but now everyone can do that. [ applause ] and they couldn't before. maybe as a result of this, new york city will finally get some musicals.
12:11 am
>> dreams become reality after new york approved same-sex marriage. new york city was more like a celebration. really celebratory as you can imagine after the state's legislature approved the bill giving same-sex couples the right to marry. >> jimmy: suicide squeeze. [ applause ] see you later in the whirlpool. according to the new law, all gays in the state of new york must be married by midnight june 30th. any unmarried gays in the state at that time will be relocated to new hampshire, so, get to it. if i can take a moment, i want to send congratulations to some friends. newlyweds regis philbin and his new husband kelsey grammer. mazel tov for them. meanwhile, abt anthony weiner this weekend was seen dining with his wife and texting with
12:12 am
his cell phone. put the phone away for a couple of years. put that up there again. look, honey, i'm deleting all my contacts. in other disgraced politician news, former illllois governor rod blagojevich was convicted on 17 of the 20 corruption charges filed against him after he attempted to sell the senate sneet b seat barack obama became president. he was convicted of criminal abuse of styling mousse. [ applause ] some of the counts that he was convicted of carry 10 to 20-year essentisentenc sentences. he could be facing up to 300 years in prison. which is a long time. even for a leprechaun, that is a long time. the experts say he'll probably serve about ten of those years. which is still a lot. i don't know how he's going to do it in prison. that hair. i mean, first of all, how do you even do that hair? secondly, it's only a matter of time before some fellow prisoner makes him his blagojo-bitch,
12:13 am
right? there's a big soccer game going on here. the gold cup final between mexico and the united states. our team -- the u.s. scored the first two goals. mexico came back to win it 4-2. did you go to thatatame, guillermo? >> no, jimmy. >> jimmy: you were watching it? >> yes. >> jimmy: who were you rooting for? >> i was rooting for mexico but i love usa too. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's not how we do things here. you're going to have to go back. there are a lot of people at the stadium. more than 93,000 fans in pasadena. soccer crowds are known for being rambunctious. >> police in big numbers everywhere. to make sure people are having fun and keeping it safe. >> if you party in pasadena, that you do it respectfully of all the other people that are going to do the same thing. >> look out behind you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's news.
12:14 am
meanwhile, in baseball, the dodgers today filed for bankruptcy protection. which is very -- i don't know how an organization that sells a beer for $12 runs out of money but they did. they made some bad financial moves. in the off season, instead of spending $25 million for a pitcher, they signed a belly itcher and that really hurt them. it's pathetic. it r rlly is. their fourth of july fireworks show, they do this every year, this year, it's going g be three stoners with disposable lighters running around the infield. [ applause ] the goododews is we don't need baseball. season five of "celebrity rehab" premiered last night on vh1. another interesting group. michael lohan, lindsay's dad. actress sean young. amy fisher. a bunch of other people less famous than that. one of the interesting rehabbers is a guy named jeremy jackson who played david hasselhoff's son on "baywatch." hobie. he's a body builder now. he says he's addicted to taking steroid. last night, he gave dr. drew a
12:15 am
list of every drug he injects in himself. the list went on and on. it's unbelievable. tonight we took that audio from "celebrity rehab." this is real audio from the show and we combined it with video from the "fantastic four" cartoon. and now we have this. >> how much are you using and of what? >> letrozole. atrozol. >> that's a lot. >> clomiphene. rodeola. trembula. anabar. nastran. winstrol. >> isn't that from germany? >> i don't know where it's from. it's a cattle preslaughter steroid. >> you don't worry you're going to hurt yourself? >> absolutely. >> okay. >> it's very extreme. very aggressive. very obsessive and compulsive and over the top. but i feel so strong now! [ applause ]
12:16 am
>> jimmy: i think -- i think if you turn -- turn into a monster and punches you in the face, the treatment isn't working. i'm sure dr. drew will help. let's turn now to a reality star who is not on drugs. let's go live via skype video. from her apartment in philadelphia, ashley hebert. the bachelorette. ashley, are you u drugs? >> no. i wish. >> jimmy: well, you are a dentist. you could probably get your hands on some easily. did you watch tonight's episode of the show? >> not really. >> jimmy: let me tell you what happened then. >> okay. >> jimmy: bentley traveled all the way to hong kong to see you. why do you think he did that? why do you think he came to hong kong? >> i mean, for the same reason everyone in america has been yelling at their tv trying to tell me. >> jimmy: uh-huh, you don't know. you have no idea. you said maybe you thought it might be just to have a vacation. you think that's possible?
12:17 am
>> i think that's very, very possible. >> jimmy: what would you have done if bentley had said, i came here, ashley, because i screwed up, i love you, will you marry me? would the show have been over? would you have gone with him? >> despite what you see, no. absolutely not. no. >> jimmy: was there a specific moment in the conversation when you realized that bentley was, in fact, satan, the devil? >> you know what, i'm so glad that they y i think for the first time they really showed what he was doing. i don't remember an exact moment in the conversation. but he would always go back and forth between pretending to be interested and then not being interested. and he did that the whole time. >> jimmy: yeah, but he's been doing that through the whole show. you just didn't realize it when it was happening. he has been doing this terrible thing. i can see how you wouldn't realize it because we were tipped off by those kind of interview segments where he was saying the things directly to the camera. also when you watch it, maybe it's hindsight, you can just see
12:18 am
he's one of these guys thaha wants -- even if it causes you pain, he wants to go ahead and make things right. >> yeah, i mean, you're right, you're completely right. >> jimmy: thank you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and, you know what -- >> if i was in the audience, i would think ththsame thing. being there, it's so different. i promise you that. it was so different. >> jimmy: i believe that. i tell you, i bet you anything he stole the towels from the hotel room when he left. [ laughter ] are you angry that no one warned you about what a terrible person this bentley was? >> i wasn't. but most recently i certainly am. a little bit. >> jimmy: it seemed like chris harrison was trying to give you a hint. he was kind of trying to -- i guess they can't really tell you because that would, i guess, ruin the show or whatever. it seemed like he was trying to insinuate he wasn't the guy to pick. did you pick up p that at all? >> i definitely picked up on that. looking back, i can see it. but still, i mean, why did he come back? why?
12:19 am
>> jimmy: well, i think maybe he realized he was going to be seen as, like, a hitler/osama bin laden. he thought he could somehow make it better. when in fact he actually made it worse. after bentley left, you decided to tell the other guys everything. >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you think it was a good idea in retrospect? >> i still stand by that. i mreen, i wanted to be honest with these guys. it had been weighing on my mind. i felt guilty about it. i thought, if you're going to start a relationship, you're going to do it right. i took a huge risk. i don't regret that decision. >> jimmy: you don't regret that. because some of them did not take it well, particularly lucas. we have a clip here of that, i believe. >> my biggest pet peeve is wasting my time. you know? and i'm in hong kong. it's great. but she's wasting my [ bleep ] time. i'm pissed right now. you put every [ bleep ] minute into her. and then this happens. >> jimmy: yeah. now, did that surprise you? >> from lucas or in general?
12:20 am
>> jimmy: well, from lucas. i mean, he was really mad. >> yeah, i mean, he definitely didn't show that to me. i had no idea. actually that clip is the first kind of tidbit of that that i've >> jimmy: do you feel like this experience has made you understand men more or less? >> i mean, that's a tough question. it made me realize there are so many different types of men out there. some men are really out there to just really crush you and put themselves in front of another human being. to me, that's disheartening. >> jimmy: i tell you what, i think j.p. is the one you picked. he's the one i would pick. and i don't know if there's somebody in that apartment with you, but if there is, i hope it's j.p. >> oh, that's sweet. >> jimmy: now we're all studying your face to see what your reaction is. well, thank you, ashley. ashley hebert. >> thank you, jimmy. bye, everyone. >> jimmy: thank you.
12:21 am
we'll check back in with her throughout the course of the season. we have a good show tonight. from "rookie blue," missy peregrym is here. we have music from steel magnolia. and we'll be right back with louis c.k., so stick around. ♪
12:22 am
[ gertrude ] you do look good. [ maude ] well...if you insist. [ norma ] how can i say "no" to you? [ betsy ] you know my weakness. [ gertrude ] real good. [ norma ] you're so sweet. [ maude ] you're so salty. [ betsy ] irresistible. [ female announcer ] giving in to snacks? there's a better way to satisfy your cravings, twice a day with special k. enjoy something sweet... and something salty and still stay on track. ♪ so go ahead and embrace snacking with special k. new suave professionals rosemary mint versus aveda. i love the fragrance of rosemary mint. her hair is very smooth, shiny.
12:23 am
i can't tell the difference. [ male announcer ] new suave professionals. reformulated to work as well as top salon brands. i bet it could last through some artsy foreign film. good idea. let's go. did i just say that out loud? [ female announcer ] feel fresh up to 5 times longer th scope outlast. still feeling fresh? oh, yeah. [ female announcer ] what will you outlast? here, take the card. you go to the shops... i'll meet you at the gate. thanks. please remove all metal objects out of your pockets. with chase freedom... you can get cash back on what you buy everyday. that's 5% cash back in bonus categories every three months. and an unlimited 1% everywhere else. and this too... i'm going to need a supervisor over here at gate 4. activate your 5% cash back today at chase.com/freedom or at your local chase branch.
12:24 am
a man can only try... and try...and try.
12:25 am
i heard eating wle grain oats can help lower my cholesterol. it's gonna be tough...so tough. my wife and i want to lowe our cholesterol, but finding healthy food that tastes good is torturous. your father is suffering. [ male announc ] honey nut cheerios tastes great and can help lower cholesterol. >> jimmy: hir hi there. tonight on the program, from "rookie blue," missy peregrym is with us. she's from canada. she promised to bring me some cheap blood pressure medication. so we'll enjoy that together. then with music from their self-titled debut album, steel magnolia, from the bud light stage. tomorrow night, we'll be joined by jason bateman. from the cincinnati bengals, dhani jones. and comedian hannibal buress. then, latetethis week -- shia labeouf. kevin nealon. green bay packers quarterback
12:26 am
aaron rogers. dave salmoni and his terrifying animals. and we'll have music from parachute and 311. so join us. our first guest tonight is one of the funniest men around with an exceptionally funny show. the show is called "louie." you can watch it thursdays at 10:30 on fx. please say hello to louis c.k. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very good to see you. nice to see you. >> really good. >> jimmy: it's been a while. >> it has been a long time. you're a much thinner fellow than you were before. >> jimmy: don't get used to it. >> no? >> jimmy: you -- now, you live in new york. >> yes. >> jimmy: you've got two little girls. >> yeah, two kids. >> jimmy: do they come on trips with you? >> no, no, i would not do ththa to them. they're at home with their mom sleeping right now. jimmy: they are, yeah. >> you know where your kids are now.
12:27 am
didn't used to know -- you know what i mean, when we were kids, did your parents know where you were? >> jimmy: never. >> no. no idea. >> jimmy: even that thing on the news, 10:00, do you know where your kids are? the answer was no. >> no idea. now it's a chain of custody that's never broken, you know? now can account for every second of your kid's lives. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you go on play dates and it's ananrranged thing. you drop them off. you take them to soccer games. empowering, yeah. you take them home. it's all very arranged. >> jimmy: you're right, it is more -- i wonder why that is? >> well, people like to have -- throw kids in the garbage and stuff like that. hit them and break their bones. but anyway -- that's not important right now. but when we were kids -- >> jimmy: it wasn't like that. >> no. those people were around. there was s nancy grace. so now -- now there's somebody there to remind you of it a lot. so folks watch their kids more. i mean, it's not a new thing. >> jimmy: when you were a kid, would you just -- you'd run around the neighborhood, right?
12:28 am
>> well, you know. yeah. my kids go on play dates. i have a relationship with the parents. i know who the kids are. they've been to my house. i've been to their house. i used to just -- i was just a kid walking around town. i was like 8 years old. younger than my daughter. just walking around. dude in town. i would go to greg's house. my friend greg. my mother never met greg. no idea who he is. certainly never met his dad or whoever the dude was. i don't know who it was. when i went to greg's house, i'd knock on the door. this guy would come. always wearing -- some kind of weird top that looked a little woman-y. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and hanes. he always had a snoopy glass with gin in it. and just hanes briefs. that were fighting with, you know. and then there was always a little brown spot on the front. yes.
12:29 am
so, i was 7-year-old, contemplating, does this guy poop out of his penis? those are the kinds of things i had to think about. >> jimmy: that's greg's dad for you. >> yes. >> jimmy: you -- were you a bad kid? >> i wasn't a bad kid but i got in trouble because i just was alone and i just, you know. like i got into stealing tampons at one point. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: for profit? >> no. i didn't make a dime. i didn't make a dime. >> jimmy: how does this work? i hesitate to ask. how would this work? >> i was 8 years old. i just went into a cvs one day because i just roamed store aisles. i was looking at the tampons. sort of staring at them with -- i knew there was something dirty about them. i didn't know what they were. staring. i picked one up. i got the gal to pick one up. looking at this box of tampons. someone came around the corner and i put them in my jacket. now i have stolen them. because if i take them out, someone saw that i had them in -- in my head, i'm like,
12:30 am
that's it, i can't -- so, i left and i had sweat on my face. and i just went home and i threw them under my bed and i'm eating dinner, like everybody knows i have tampons under my bed. and so it was a terrible stressful experience. which i then repeated every day for r ke two months. i'd go back and i'd just do the whole cycle. i just kept doing it. i never got caught. i mean, they probably saw me but the guy's like, i'm not confronting the kid who takes the tampons. i'll pay for them out of my check before i live that moment. i'm not asking that little pervert what he's doing with those. >> jimmy: there's something wrong with that boy. >> something's really wrong with him. >> jimmy: how did it end? >> they just kept going under my bed. i just tried not to think about them. one day i looked and they were just gone. they just were gone. my mom never said anything. she just -- she must have been cleaning up and she was like, what the -- what is this? this is crazy. >> jimmy: wow, that's -- >> i don't know, maybe she used them for ten years. i don't know.
12:31 am
would she throw them away? >> jimmy: might as well. in those days, you don't waste. >> maybe i contributed to the family a little bit. maybe i kept my mom in cheap tampons for a few years. i do not know. >> jimmy: are your kids unusual like this? >> no. >> jimmy: are you as the weird father, are you a weird father to them or -- >> no, i've tried to make up for it. it's a little too -- like i think i had kids a little too late and a little too fat in life. >> jimmy: what do you mean by that? >> you should be a young healthy dad. should be a 26-year-old father in a tight t-shirt going, whoa, i'm going to get you. one of those guys. that's what kids have coming. i'm not that. >> jimmy: you don't do that? >> i take them to the park and i run them like dogs. you got 20 minutes. i just watch them run. i stand there breathing like tony soprano and watching them run. and -- daddy, chase us! someone grabs you, maybe i'll chase them. but otherwise, you're all --
12:32 am
it's just i have a lot of physical limitations that keep me from being a good dad. i'm always in a 48-hour window of diarrhea. that either i'll be having or i'll have had diarrhea within 48 hours. somewhere on the time line of my life. and depending on where i am in that window dictates how far from my house i'm willing to venture. how far radius. >> jimmy: yeah, right. you're tethered in a way. >> yes, yes, it's like having an ankle bracelet in a different kind of way. because otherwise i'm having diarrhea in a public restroom with my kids standing there watching me. they're little. i can't leave them by themselves. so they're standing there -- daddy, i don't want to -- sorry, honey, you wanted to go to the aquarium, this is what happens. [ laughter ] i said let's get the newspaper and come home.e. but you wanted to get fancy, so -- you get to watch me pee out of my ass for two hours. >> jimmy: it's fun for the kids.
12:33 am
the memories. [ applause ] do they know -- do they understand you're a comedian? do they -- like, they know this? is this a aoncept they're familiar with? >> they know daddy tells jokes. and they don't get the business though. you know, they don't -- >> jimmy: who does really? >> no, who does? but, like, i had a weird conversation with my 9-year-old. we were driving on the highway. the 6-year-old was there too but she was just sapping resources. she wasn't really contributitin to the conversation. we pass by a cruise ship. and i said, hey, girls -- the cool thing about having kiki is you get to tell them what everything is. you get to be the person that reports the whole planet for -- >> jimmy: you're their tour guide for life. >> that's a cruise ship. it's a massive boat. there's swimming pools and discopes or whatever they have. so they got excited about the idea of a cruise ship. i said, some comedians do shows on cruise ships. they're like, do you do that? no. here's the thing. comedians have a mean hatred of cruise ship comics. >> jimmy: yeah.
12:34 am
>> it's just a mean prejudice. we call them boat acts. it's just mean. boat acts. they pander. we just think they're crap. and it's just something -- it's like being born racist. you just believe it. you don't question it. it's just -- it's just a thing in you. >> jimmy: you might not even know. >> so my daughter's like, have you ever worked on a cruise ship? i'm like no. and she says, why not? why wouldn't you want to be on a boat? i'm like, well, that's a different kind of comic. she said, what's so different? well, a cruise ship comic just tries to please everybody. she's like, why wouldn't you want to do that? of course -- isn't that what you want to do? yes, but i -- some things i say on stage might upset some people. why would you upset people? that's a terrible thing to do. so -- >> jimmy: you know what, there might be some clarity there. i don't know. you might want to rethink this cruise thing. >> i might try the cruise ship. >> jimmy: well, by the way, first of all, i want to say, the
12:35 am
show is very funny. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] oh, thank you. >> jimmy: we're going to take a quick break. we'll come back and talk about "louie." "louie" airs tuesday nights on fx at 10:30. louis c.k. we'll be right back. ♪ the new blackberry playbook. it runs all this at the same time. ♪ why can't every tablet do that? okay, guys, are you ready to see your new kitchen? yes!!! me too. let's go. take a look!! ahhh. here. we. go! it looks amazing!
12:36 am
you didn't do anything. you just put bud light on the counter. exactly. it totally opens it up. we gave it a fun vibe. clearly this is a room people want to hang out in. [ male announcer ] it's the sure sign of a good time. the just right taste of bud light. here we go. the landscapers are here. nice. [ vet ] your tururmax. [ cat ] inside and out. and i'm not the only one who thinks so...right doc? [ female announcer ] vets agree, a healthy check up starts inside. our breakthrough iams premium protection formula
12:37 am
is developed with vets... ...with cutting edge ingredients for the lifelong health of your pet. [ cat ] what a surprise... straight as again! [ female announcer ] iams premium protection. our most advanced iams nutrition. ever. [ cat ] oh, i'm not in your way, am i doc? i...[yawns] am an iams cat. ♪ [ female announcer ] new 100% natural lipton iced tea. you are what you tea. discover aveeno positively radiant tinted moisturizers with scientifically proven soy complex and natural minerals. give you sheer coverage instantly, then go on to even skin tone in four weeks. aveeno tinted moisturizers. no thanks, man, my stride gum still has flavor. ♪ [ woman screams ] ♪
12:38 am
ugh! aah! [ male announcer ] upgrade to stride 2.0. or we'll do it for you. not bad for a rookie. just drive, shaun. [ tires screeching ] [ male announcer ] stride 2.0. the ridiculously upgraded, ridiculously long lasting gum.
12:39 am
since time began. not anymore. ♪ fiber one is bringing brownies back. at 90 calories, the only thing between you and chocolaty brownies ♪ new fiber one 90 calorie brownies. in the granola bar aisle.
12:40 am
can i help you? >> yeah, i need condoms, sexual lubricant, vagitene and blueberries. >> condoms behind the counter. we ain't got no blueberries. >> thank you. >> jimmy: that's "louie," it's on fx every thursday night. by the way -- the show is -- not only is it very funny, but the directing is get. i know you direct the show, too. >> i do, yes. >> jimmy: it looks great. it looks like a movie out of the '70s. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you must be very pleased with the whole thing. >> i am. i love it. movie out of the '70s is perfect. i grew up loving and watching that. >> jimmy: how is the -- how is the second season different from the first season? is it? >> yeah, i mean, we -- i -- when i get bored of something, i just stop doing it. you know? i didn't keep a lot of the same stuff.
12:41 am
like, we moved to a new apartment. it's a whole -- but there's no scene where it happened. i just stopped being in that one. last year, i had one very constant character. it was my brother played by bobby kelly who is a funny guy. he did such a good job. this year, i just didn't feel like it so he's gone. he's just gone. i didn't kill him in an episode. it's like he never existed. >> jimmy: the great thing for him is, in a way, like "lost." he could come back, right? >> i guess. i'd have to have a good idea. i didn't have any ideas for him so i just stopped -- he's not in the reality of the show anymore like he never was. so i now have two sisters. >> jimmy: right. >> one of them -- none of this reflects my life. the show's all fiction. the first episode this season introduces my sister as this and it's a big introduction. it's the last thing we shot because i came up with it like right before we wrapped. she's just - -there's a whole thing where she comes and i love her -- gone. never see her again.
12:42 am
>> jimmy: really? >> yes, and my neighbor comes and helps me and he's a really nice guy. the last thing he says is remember who your neighbors are. and i go, yes. he's gone too. >> jimmy: really? it seemed lake you were going to thenenave like a neighborly friendly relationship. >> gone. you'll never see him again. >> jimmy: you'll never seeeeim again? >> last year, i had this woman play my mother. she was this crazy horrible woman. it's not -- my mother's a really nice person. so i just made up this terrible mother character played by this -- mary louise wilson, really funny actor. and so we did the episode. then, later in the season, i wanted to do a flashback to my real mother, who's really nice, so, i did that, too. everybody was very confused. these characters are so insanely different. and the woman who played my mother is a young woman i date in another episode. whole other person. because she was good in both parts. so i just don't care. >> jimmy: it's an ensemble cast. >> every episode just has its own goal. and if it messes up the goal of another episode, i don't give a
12:43 am
[ bleep ]. i just don't care. >> jimmy: to hell with it. >> that's right. if you don't like it, fire me. >> jimmy: that's right. >> it's a very darwinist system, television. >> jimmy: no one should get comfortable. >> if it stinks, i'm gone. >> jimmy: not the viewers at home. >> that's right. >> jimmy: louis c.k., everybody. "louie" airs thursday nights at 10:30 on fx. we'll be right back. [ male announcer ] applebee's knows what the neighborhood likes!
12:44 am
so we created stacked, stuffed and topped entrees, starting at $9.99. stacked, stuffed and topped! i like things smooshed. we'll work on that. [ male announcer ] only at applebee's. open 'til midnight or later. thankfully, there's new crest pro-health clinical gum protection toothpaste. it helps eliminate plaque at the gumline, helping prevent gingivitis. it's even clinically proven to help reverse it in just 4 weeks. new crest pro-health clinical toothpaste. life opens up when you do.
12:45 am
during one entire day so they realize how much they move. [ bells jingling ] that's why degree created the new motionsense technology, the only formula activated directly by movement keeping you protected for longer than the leading antiperspirant. the more you move, the more it works. and now, get into the move with degree and you can earn prizes like designer shoes, cool gadgets, or amazing trips. find us on facebook to move, earn and win. degree. it won't let you down. a network of possibilities. in here, the planned combination of at&t and t-mobile would deliver our next generation mobile broadband experience to 55 million more americans, many in small towns and rural communities,
12:46 am
giving them a new choice. we'll deliver better service, with thousands of new cell sites... for greater access to all the things you want, whenever you want them. it's the at&t network... and what's possible in here is almost impossible to say.
12:47 am
12:48 am
[ male announcer ] built like a volkswagen. the 2011 tiguan.
12:49 am
[ grunts ] we're putting them to the test against the speed of a rescue unit. go ! they're downloading a music album. the first network to finish gets rescued. does your phone know that we're racing ? done ! verizon's done ! i've got seven left ! the fastest network in america. verizon. built so you can rule the air. now powering the lg revolution. get 5% cash back
12:50 am
when you use chase freedom for gas. don't miss out. activate your 5% today. go to chase.com/freedom. a couple years ago, soi started using rogaine foam. [ male announcer ] only rogaine foam is shown to regrow hair in 85%of guys. it just brought about lot of confidence. [ male announcer ] try new unscented rogaine foam. learn more at rogaine.com.
12:51 am
12:52 am
of a subway® bbq pulled pork sub. brace yourself for the big, bold taste tender, succulent slow-cooked pork with sweet and smoky barbecue sauce, all on freshly baked bread. subway. eat fresh®. >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. still to come, steel magnolia. our next guest plays a fighter of crime named annie on the show "rookie blue." you can watch it thursdays at 10:00 here on abc.
12:53 am
please welcome missy peregrym. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look fantastic. you look like you're aththtic. >> i am. >> jimmy: there you go. you're from canada? >> yeah. >> jimmy: where in canada? >> born in montreal but raised in vancouver. >> jimmy: very good. and the show is a canadian, show, right? it's like, a big, popular show in canada. >> huge in canada, actually. >> jimmy: now here it's in the united states. it's actually -- do you shoot the show in canada? >> we shoot it in toronto. >> jimmy: and then it airs there first and then here second? >> no, same time. jimmy: oh, okay. >> it's kind of like a dual show. both american and canadian. >> jimmy: we don't take other country's leftovers. will you be celebrating canada day? >> um, yeah, sure, yeah. yeah. you know, i'll get together with a few canadians. >> jimmy: what do you do?
12:54 am
what's the traditional way to celebrate? it's on friday, right? >> you just drink. >> jimmy: you just drink. [ applause ] you guyuy blow everything up, you know, fireworks. that's like a huge thing. >> jimmy: we drink and we explode things. >> different. >> jimmy: there are no explososns? you don't have fireworks? >> some people actually crs the border into vancouver, washington, buy all the fireworks and then go back. >> jimmy: do they not sell fireworks? >> it's not the same thing there, no. there's not 100,000 booths on the highway. >> jimmy: our fireworks have gotten lame over the years. to be honest. >> you're one of those guys. >> jimmy: you could lose a couple of fingers per year in the old days. but now it's like everything's -- >> oh, it's safe. eh. sucks. >> jimmy: it does. and your dad is a minister i heard. >> yep. >> jimmy: how's that growing up? is that -- fun? >> fun? yeah. i mean, it was great. he's a great guy. but nobody wanted to play with me.
12:55 am
no one would really come over. >> jimmy: why? were they scared of him? >> yeah, kind of. plus, he's the father of three girls. he's not going to be cool about some guys just coming over to the house. >> jimmy: no father's going to be that cool with that. >> it's even worse when he's a man of the lord. >> jimmy: yeah, sure. and when your friends would come over, would he do something to scare them off? or they just in general didn't want to be around him? >> they didn't want to be around. i mean, it was -- it's awkward. not to mention, i didn't really want to introduce, either. then i have a lot to explain. >> jimmy: do you still go to church and do these things? >> yes. i do go to church. however, yesterday, i went to a catholic mass. i'm not very familiar with that. i've been twice in my life. and it was a bit uncomfortable. >> jimmy: why? >> well, i'm not used to the whole thing. i mean, everybody knew the words to everything. i'm like, where are you reading it? >> jimmy: you just know it. >> right. and everybody did. no one was reading anything. i was impressed. just very polite, kind of standing there. when communion came, i take communion, that's fine.
12:56 am
i didn't want to go up to the front of the room to take it. i was a bit embarrassed. >> jimmymythe altar. >> yes, the altar. i don't know what you call i i terms.my: all these technical >> well, i was at a wedding once and i went up and the priest you know basically asked me in a very nice way if i was catholic. and if i should be taking communion. no, i'm not technically catholic but i take it, so, i was like, yes, i'll take it. three times. he finally gave it to me. he s sred me down the rest of the wed. i didn't want to do it again. i'm like, i'm not going. then there was a flood of people behind me. trying to get out of the pew. so, it would be more awkward, please, go ahead, i'm not worthy of communion. so, we go to walk up and my friend's behind me and i'm like, oh, crap, what do i do? i know i'm supposed to do something with my hands. i can get the blessing. >> jimmy: you have to go --
12:57 am
>> i was going to pass on the commmmion. >> jimmy: oh, you were? >> i didn't want to have that experience again. i was just going to take the blessing. >> jimmy: then you stay in your seat. >> no, you walk up and get the blessing. >> jimmy: like a baby does. >> i was trying to do the right thing. so i walk up and all of a sudden, you know, i kind of turn around and look at my friend, like what do i do? and he wasn't really thinking and he put his hands through my arms and kind of covered me but it looked like he was copping a feel and by that time i was in front of the priest anani'm like -- so i just kind of assumed the praying position. i was lake -- and then -- i was so embarrassed. so there were two other people that were kind of handing it out too. i'm like, i'm not going to talk to the priest. i'm mortified. i go to the left. that's my right actually. different in canada. i go to my right. you know, i did this thing. she was kind of shocked i even asked for a blessing i guess because it's for babies. and she kind of was like dink
12:58 am
and hit me on the head. then went back. but when we left, the priest was standing out at the front and i didn't want to really talk to him or shake his hand and he looked down at the ground and he goes -- "i like your dress." >> jimmy: no. >> y yh, i was like, thank you. >> jimmy: i like your dress? did you say i like yours too? >> no, i just left. >> jimmy: by the way, i want to show this real quick. this is a billboard. you tweeted this. somebody drew that mustache on you? >> yes. >> jimmy: how do you feel? >> i love the attention to detail. they even did like stubble dots. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> amazing. >> jimmy: like fred flintstone. a whole shading thing. wow, somebody spent some serious time on that. >> it's actually really b b, too. >> jimmy: congratulations. i'm glad everything's going so well. i hope you learn your church procedures for the next time. missy peregrym everybody. "rookie blue" is thursday nights at 10:00 on abc. we'll be right back with steel magnolia. all the traffic on your carpet really adds up,
12:59 am
leaving behind ground-in dirt and odors that vacuuming alone can't tackle. but with resolve high traffic foam, you can really see the difference. it removes three times more dirt than vacuuming alone. it also neutralizes odors at their source, so your carpets are clean and fresh every step of the way. nothing revives carpets like resolve high traffic foam. don't just vacuum clean, resolve clean.
1:00 am
a man can only try... and try...and try. i heard eating wle grain oats can help lower my cholesterol. it's gonna be tough...so tough. my wife and i want to lowe our cholesterol, but finding healthy food that tastes good is torturous. your father is suffering. [ male announc ] honey nut cheerios tastes great and can help lower cholesterol.
1:01 am
>> jimmy: this is their self-title debut bum. here with the song "without you," steel magnolia.
1:02 am
♪ ♪ i'm nothing without you a crumbling statue without you ♪ ♪ i'm no one just someone lost in the moment searching for something ♪ ♪ that's nothing without you i lay here waiting for you ♪ ♪ well i call you no answer don't blame you it hits me ♪ ♪ i miss you god i miss you ♪ ♪ i need to know i'm on your mind the way i know that you're on mine ♪
1:03 am
♪ the way i know the stars will shine and that the sun ♪ ♪ will light the sky i need to feel you ♪ ♪ beside me right by me never passing by me i want you to ♪ ♪ hold me console me when i feel i can't control me ♪ ♪ and my emotions take over tell me it's ♪ ♪ not over and never will be i know i'm guilty ♪ ♪ i need to know i'm on your mind
1:04 am
the way i know that you're on mine ♪ ♪ the way i know the stars will shinene and that the sun ♪ ♪ will light the sky i need to feel you ♪ ♪ oh ♪ come on come on baby i need to feel you i need you ♪ ♪ come on come on baby come on baby oh ♪ ♪ i need to know i'm on your mind the way i know that you're on mine ♪ ♪ the way i know the stars will shine and that the sun ♪ ♪ will light the sky i need to feel you ♪

288 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on